Hi, Charlotte. As I mentioned in the essay, I’ve ceased the “Bad Son Letter” practice years ago because I found it to be counter-productive and unhelpful, to either my mother or me. As far as “working on improving myself”, I’ve been in therapy since 2010, without cessation, and I put what I feel to be significant effort into self-betterment and adopting a kinder internal narrative, when I feel deserving of it. I find that to be more helpful than imposing on my mother, on her birthday, to self-flagellate. Regarding my motives, I’m not altogether sure what they were, but I am sure they were misguided at best.